I'm depressed. All the time. I'm single child and daddy's little girl. He is my best friend and my world. We were such a happy family and my friends were always jealous of me.He passed away 2 yrs ago and I'm depressed ever since. I'm not able to talk to my mom because she is cracked and forgetful nowadays. She is a nice person but I never liked her. Dunno y.There is this huge pressure on my chest and unbearable pain in my head which is constant. I miss my dad.It took me 2 yrs to accept that i need help. I dunno how to approach a psychiatrist and don't want to. I don't wanna be labelled as mental.I chose to open up now because yesterday I threw things at my mom and used very hurtful words in a fit of anger.I really don't know when my friends started disappearing from my life. When i look back, I don't see any recent happy memory. I started drinking (occasionally) because I was depressed seeing other happy people. I don't understand how a person can laugh. Don't they have any sadness in their life? I'm not performing well and I don't have friends. I'm not suicidal because I wanna be awesome in my life and do something, have a good career, etc.I just wanna be happy. Should I do drugs to get elated? I don't remember when i smiled last time. I cry every night bcs no matter how much i resist,my brain runs a slideshow of my happy childhood memories with my father. Now they r a mere shadow which causes pain. It has become a routine in the past 2 yrs to wake up with puffy eyes. I tell my dad every single thing that happens in life and now i feel that i don't have anyone to talk to. If i see a film, i like to narrate the whole story to him. If i see a cute guy, i wanna tell him abt it. Everything I see reminds me of him and how much I was loved. He was always there in every step of my life. Recently my frn asked, "If u win this, who would u call 1st?". And I didnt have an answer, bcs I know I wanna call my dad n tell him that I won. I simply walked away from there, without answering. Even if I see a small girl holding hands with her dad, I start to cry. I've become very fragile and nobody wants to talk to me.I thought time can heal everything but its not happening in my case.I can keep writing, but ppl may not wanna read a depressing confession. So, in short, I need help. I wanna feel happiness.
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