I am generally a nice person to everyone I meet. I've always been a nice person, but for some reason, I've always been treated badly for being nice. I've gotten in so many situations for being nice. The people I'm most treated badly by are girls who I have liked or loved at some point. In 7th grade, I liked 5 girls (different times), but I ended up getting played by them. And my buddies who I considered like my brothers, knew who I liked and started dating the girls at the times I liked them. Later in the same grade, most of my friends turned on me and decided out of nowhere to bully me. And once they realized that I'm too nice, they continued to bully me. So, 7th grade was basically torture for me and I put up these walls around me since then.
In 9th grade, I let the walls down, but the same thing happened again. And then this girl I considered my sister named Kaelyn told a girl who I liked that I had a crush on her. It was true, but she shouldn't have done that. Then, I had to deal with my mother going through chemo for her cancer and my sister having a baby. I had to step up for my family and support them through everything. At the same time, I had to deal with the drama at school and my grades. It was a lot of stress, but I managed to hold everything in.
By 10th grade, I became a more mean and angry person, but I still had nice in me and was friends with Kaelyn, who is a much worse person. And I became close friends with one of the girls I liked back in 7th grade who I was about to fight someone for because he cheated on her multiple times. But soon enough, leftover feelings came and I realized I still had feelings for her so I let her know, but she said I'm nice, but she doesn't care about me.
In 11th grade, Kaelyn threatened to tell this girl I like who rides my bus, who we'll call Amy, that I like her and I'm stalking her. And Kaelyn calls me "fake" for anything and everything. I've told people that I'm not close with her anymore, but I seem to always find myself forgiving her and talking to her again. Now, Amy played me by giving me mixed signals, staring at me, smiling at me, but she told me she had a boyfriend and honestly, I believe that she talks badly about me to people.
Now, in 12th grade, Amy and I are still involved a year later and I realized I am in love with her. And then I found out Amy actually did like me but didn't want to date me because of all the backlash we would both get seeing as how most of our friends don't want us together. We got back close again, but things fell apart when she started dating another guy. Then, she thought I was trying to break them up so we stopped talking. And I try to be friends with her still, but it's not getting anywhere. She has a boyfriend again and I'm stuck trying to move on while having to listen to her and her boyfriend's drama on the bus. I have to be the one who just moves on despite everything I'm put through. Other info about that situation is @
http://forums.govteen.com/love-datin...verything.html
Along with that drama, I have to deal with trying to be there for everyone else and deal with their problems. I only have a few friends who actually try to check up on me and I do the same for them. But the others don't do anything. And my birthday is coming up and honestly, I feel that not many people will wish me a happy birthday. Many of my friends are in relationships and also are about to get into good colleges. And I know I shouldn't be worried about relationships just being almost 18, but I'm surrounded by so many people in relationships. I'm not lonely, I'm just sad that I can't actually have a relationship. I've thought about giving up on love seeing as how it's so hard for me to find.
Also, I want to get into a good college, but I don't think my grades are good enough for it. I've started to become less interested in college as I need the money to go there. My SAT scores are average, but I don't think they are good enough to actually get into a nice college. I've also thought of going to a college states away from my home state, just to get away from everyone.
I'm so tired of being there for everyone and I feel that if I continue, I won't have a life for myself. I feel unappreciated and unimportant to people and I don't know how I can handle all of this stress. Can anyone give me advice on what to do?
Spoiler: 