Why do I hate love? (And I am In love)

Hi.

...I have always felt a big repugnance to love (Love, friendship, coddles...or when friends say me 'good luck', 'I will miss you', 'congratulation'.....)

The problem is that I have fallen in love with someone :o


It, directly, sucks.

He is a good person, a very good person, polite, emphatic, intelligent, fun...He consider me a friend...a good friend....


It is not just 'I like him´...It's more than that...It's....a deep true love (I hate saying this, It's sickly sweet! But It's what I feel...so passsionate, intense... and sincere....)


He knows this, I have told him....His reaction was fine (I know that my feelings are platonic and incoherent...he knows too...a love with him would be impossible!)...We are still friend, He even said "I hope that we continue beeing friends" when I told him....


The problem is that I hate this love...because I hate love, he is fine with me...and even if he had said 'yes', I would hate love...I think that It would be worse if he had said 'yes'.....

This is really disturbing me...why can't I love without hate It?....

Loving him makes me vulnerable, I hate beeing weak...That's why I hate him...even if I love him.


I can't understan this situation.