OK, I dont usually make threads like this, but I need to get it out. For a long time. Its a long story, and English isnt my strong suit, but Ill try to make it as clear as possible.
So there is this girl, that I met her 2.5 years ago (March 2011). We liked each other and quickly we were a couple. From the first weeks I realized that she frequently had mood swings, reverted to tears easily even for no apparent reason, had a lot of insecurities and that she was quite jealous regarding our relationship. However, I liked her so much and she was such a funny and caring person, that I overlooked all these for the sake of our relationship to work. Until September, things went normal and I was content that we could work it out in the long term.
I was called for military service then, which meant that I had to be absent for 8 months, with only a few visits back home. I thought it was going to be over then, sooner or later; however, after discussing these possibilities with her, she insisted that we had to keep together, that this would test our relationship. Indeed, she was right, and when I got back in May our bond had strengthened a lot more. I was beginning to love her and I knew it. One thing, that I noticed upon my return, however, was that she had greatly distanced herself from her other friends, even being in non-speaking terms with one of them. I really tried to find out what happened but she refused to give me an explanation. Not only that, but as she basically had only me left, she expected to spend all my free time with her. She never said it directly, but I could notice that she would make comments about the time I spent with my brother and friends.
In the meantime, her mood swings were becoming more common and there were times when she would wake up in the morning and literally decide that she wasnt OK for the rest of the day (or week), for no reason whatsoever. We would go out and she would simply sit and stare without paying attention around her or she could even ask to go back home after a while. I knew her family (she lives with her mom, her dad died 11 years ago) had some financial difficulties and I tried many times to talk about what was bothering her. She never gave a sufficient explanation, only answering that shes not well, at the moment, and you cant understand but she would reassure me that it was just a passing phase. But it wasnt. Things went worse week by week. She would be pissed for not answering the phone, even if I had told her before that I would be busy at a specific time and that I would call her afterwards. She was jealous, she couldnt cope with other girls being at the same group of friends with me.
But I was sure I loved her, I wouldnt give up. Six months ago, however, it was becoming apparent that she had something deep concerning her. We were talking for hours on the phone, we would text a lot, but whenever I tried to find what was wrong, she never complied and was becoming worse. I was beginning to realize that she had a few psychological issues and that she was showing signs of depression; and even if she didnt want to share her concerns with me or her mother, she should see a psychologist. I discussed it extensively with her mom, and she agreed, but when I proposed it to her, her answer was a big fat no. She began telling me that I thought she was crazy and that I should go on and dump her, leaving her in her misery. I refused firmly but I dont think she believed me.
All this, had taken its toll on me, as well. I rarely was in a good mood anymore, although I tried to act as usual. I saw my friends less as time went by, my performance at work was declining. I would stay awake for whole nights, thinking.
Around a month ago, the inevitable happened, although not seeming final. She said that she wanted a break; 2+ years was a lot time and she knew she wasnt at her best lately, so we should both take our time off. I accepted, because I hoped that it would just be a bad parenthesis, and when we got back together it would be a new start. Indeed, we kept texting each other and talking, albeit on somewhat friendlier terms, like when our relationship was beginning. I was hoping.
All that until yesterday. I got a message saying I dont want to see you again. Its over. I swear, I didnt do or say anything that could possibly upset her. I tried to reach her, I went over her house, but she wasnt responding, until I got a message later Please understand that its over, dont bother me again.
And my conclusion: Im broken mentally. I spent about a whole year with her, as her mood was becoming worse and worse, as she was becoming reclusive, and this had its effect on me. My psychology is in ruins, my confidence shattered. I have lost contact with a lot of friends, I virtually have no one to talk to (except one that is on his own military service, currently).
So my question is, how do I go from now on. How do I repair my psychology? How to take a positive look at life again?
So there is this girl, that I met her 2.5 years ago (March 2011). We liked each other and quickly we were a couple. From the first weeks I realized that she frequently had mood swings, reverted to tears easily even for no apparent reason, had a lot of insecurities and that she was quite jealous regarding our relationship. However, I liked her so much and she was such a funny and caring person, that I overlooked all these for the sake of our relationship to work. Until September, things went normal and I was content that we could work it out in the long term.
I was called for military service then, which meant that I had to be absent for 8 months, with only a few visits back home. I thought it was going to be over then, sooner or later; however, after discussing these possibilities with her, she insisted that we had to keep together, that this would test our relationship. Indeed, she was right, and when I got back in May our bond had strengthened a lot more. I was beginning to love her and I knew it. One thing, that I noticed upon my return, however, was that she had greatly distanced herself from her other friends, even being in non-speaking terms with one of them. I really tried to find out what happened but she refused to give me an explanation. Not only that, but as she basically had only me left, she expected to spend all my free time with her. She never said it directly, but I could notice that she would make comments about the time I spent with my brother and friends.
In the meantime, her mood swings were becoming more common and there were times when she would wake up in the morning and literally decide that she wasnt OK for the rest of the day (or week), for no reason whatsoever. We would go out and she would simply sit and stare without paying attention around her or she could even ask to go back home after a while. I knew her family (she lives with her mom, her dad died 11 years ago) had some financial difficulties and I tried many times to talk about what was bothering her. She never gave a sufficient explanation, only answering that shes not well, at the moment, and you cant understand but she would reassure me that it was just a passing phase. But it wasnt. Things went worse week by week. She would be pissed for not answering the phone, even if I had told her before that I would be busy at a specific time and that I would call her afterwards. She was jealous, she couldnt cope with other girls being at the same group of friends with me.
But I was sure I loved her, I wouldnt give up. Six months ago, however, it was becoming apparent that she had something deep concerning her. We were talking for hours on the phone, we would text a lot, but whenever I tried to find what was wrong, she never complied and was becoming worse. I was beginning to realize that she had a few psychological issues and that she was showing signs of depression; and even if she didnt want to share her concerns with me or her mother, she should see a psychologist. I discussed it extensively with her mom, and she agreed, but when I proposed it to her, her answer was a big fat no. She began telling me that I thought she was crazy and that I should go on and dump her, leaving her in her misery. I refused firmly but I dont think she believed me.
All this, had taken its toll on me, as well. I rarely was in a good mood anymore, although I tried to act as usual. I saw my friends less as time went by, my performance at work was declining. I would stay awake for whole nights, thinking.
Around a month ago, the inevitable happened, although not seeming final. She said that she wanted a break; 2+ years was a lot time and she knew she wasnt at her best lately, so we should both take our time off. I accepted, because I hoped that it would just be a bad parenthesis, and when we got back together it would be a new start. Indeed, we kept texting each other and talking, albeit on somewhat friendlier terms, like when our relationship was beginning. I was hoping.
All that until yesterday. I got a message saying I dont want to see you again. Its over. I swear, I didnt do or say anything that could possibly upset her. I tried to reach her, I went over her house, but she wasnt responding, until I got a message later Please understand that its over, dont bother me again.
And my conclusion: Im broken mentally. I spent about a whole year with her, as her mood was becoming worse and worse, as she was becoming reclusive, and this had its effect on me. My psychology is in ruins, my confidence shattered. I have lost contact with a lot of friends, I virtually have no one to talk to (except one that is on his own military service, currently).
So my question is, how do I go from now on. How do I repair my psychology? How to take a positive look at life again?