First, I would like to say that I am not asking for anyone to diagnose me. I just need some input and opinions. If you have an eating disorder, or used to, please tell me that when you respond so I will know what stance you are coming from.
I'm really suspecting that I have some sort of an eating disorder. Here's why:
I used to starve myself. I am about to graduate high school, but that was back during my freshman and sophomore years. I just didn't eat. I never have really been one to eat breakfast. So, really my only meals would even be lunch and dinner. But during my early years of high school I got to the point where I didn't eat anything at all. It was like the emptiness in my stomach felt good, I don't know how to fully explain it, but when my stomach growled, I felt like I deserved what I was doing. One day, one of my teachers saw me sitting in the library during lunch and she came over and asked me what I was doing, and I said that I wasn't hungry. After that, every day for a couple weeks she kept bugging me about it, asking why I wasn't eating. She eventually emailed my mom about it, and my mom talked to the school nurse and asked her to talk to me. Eventually I started going to the cafeteria and just sitting so that they wouldn't bug me about it. I sort of overcame that. Until lately.
I struggle with self-harm, and suicidal tendencies. Today is day 128 of being clean from cutting.
In the past few months, I've noticed that I'm kind of going back to my old ways. I am going through a lot right now. But sometimes I realize at almost 10:00 at night that I haven't eaten a single thing all day, and yet I'm not hungry.
Most days, I don't eat anything. So when I do eat, it makes me sick, and I usually throw up. I feel horrible when I eat. But then there are the few days where I'm really upset or something and I just eat non-stop and not because I'm hungry but because I'm trying to make myself feel better. It's so weird.
And I'm not like anorexic or anything. I currently weigh 230 pounds because of the 15 medicines I have to take daily. They cause weight gain.
I hate my body. I hate the way I look, and always have. I don't think necessarily that I am starving myself to lose weight. But I am very uncomfortable with myself and I hate eating.
So yeah, someone please give me some input here. Because I really don't know what to do. I'm just looking for someone to tell me what they think.
Again, I am not looking for anyone to diagnose me.
I'm really suspecting that I have some sort of an eating disorder. Here's why:
I used to starve myself. I am about to graduate high school, but that was back during my freshman and sophomore years. I just didn't eat. I never have really been one to eat breakfast. So, really my only meals would even be lunch and dinner. But during my early years of high school I got to the point where I didn't eat anything at all. It was like the emptiness in my stomach felt good, I don't know how to fully explain it, but when my stomach growled, I felt like I deserved what I was doing. One day, one of my teachers saw me sitting in the library during lunch and she came over and asked me what I was doing, and I said that I wasn't hungry. After that, every day for a couple weeks she kept bugging me about it, asking why I wasn't eating. She eventually emailed my mom about it, and my mom talked to the school nurse and asked her to talk to me. Eventually I started going to the cafeteria and just sitting so that they wouldn't bug me about it. I sort of overcame that. Until lately.
I struggle with self-harm, and suicidal tendencies. Today is day 128 of being clean from cutting.
In the past few months, I've noticed that I'm kind of going back to my old ways. I am going through a lot right now. But sometimes I realize at almost 10:00 at night that I haven't eaten a single thing all day, and yet I'm not hungry.
Most days, I don't eat anything. So when I do eat, it makes me sick, and I usually throw up. I feel horrible when I eat. But then there are the few days where I'm really upset or something and I just eat non-stop and not because I'm hungry but because I'm trying to make myself feel better. It's so weird.
And I'm not like anorexic or anything. I currently weigh 230 pounds because of the 15 medicines I have to take daily. They cause weight gain.
I hate my body. I hate the way I look, and always have. I don't think necessarily that I am starving myself to lose weight. But I am very uncomfortable with myself and I hate eating.
So yeah, someone please give me some input here. Because I really don't know what to do. I'm just looking for someone to tell me what they think.
Again, I am not looking for anyone to diagnose me.