Hello, I usually don't do this because I like to keep my private life private and to be honest I'm not expecting an answer because I already know my 2 possible options but I think I just need to vent it.
About 6 months ago my life turned into a completely chaos, I got very sick, the doctor changed 4 times the medicine but none of them seemed to work, about a month ago my doctor suggested it could be smart to make a cancer exam because someone close to me died of cancer and we needed to be sure about it plus that could be the main reason why medicine didn't work. The exam was positive but the doctor said we were still on time to try to fix it, I had a surgery to extract a tumor but something went wrong and I needed a second surgery because of an internal bleeding, after that I was unconscious for almost 3 days in intensive care. about half week later I was able to return home but things only got worse. The treatment is really painful and we don't even know if it's working because my next appointment is next week, I barely get hungry but I need to eat anyway because my stomach must be full before take the medicine, I'm getting thinner, my skin color is turning yellowish and I have those weird black spots under my eyes all the time... a week ago I had to cover my mirror with a towel because just made sad what I saw. The doctor said I wouldn't lose my hair but the truth is anytime I brush it I see how some hair get stuck to the brush. Today a friend from school visited me and I kinda like him so I tried to get ready and look cute for him but that's just impossible, I took a shower and I removed the towel from the mirror to brush my hair and get some make up but the thing I saw in the mirror it's not me, that's not even close to the way I used to look... the only thing I could do was go to my bed and cry. My friend came and he was very nice to me which cheered me up a little. a couple of hours later my best friend got home to gossip about this boy but I couldn't even talk because I started crying trying to tell her everything and I think I had a nervous breakdown. I've been very depressed these days so dad thought it would be a good idea if she spends the night here, I think they're afraid I can do something stupid and I'd lie if I say I haven't thought about it... besides all this I'm going to repeat the school year because I've skipped a lot of it and it doesn't matter if I'm one of the highest grades in my class, I can't go out alone, I can't eat ice cream, I can't walk my dog, I can't go to the store to buy a chocolate bar, in 6 months I've spent more time in a hospital than in the movies.... also dad has spent lots of money in me and I don't even know what I can do to pay him back... I've tried to be strong and positive but this is way too much for me, I already reached my limit and I'm tired of all this shit... I can't hold it anymore and I just want it to end.
Thanks.
About 6 months ago my life turned into a completely chaos, I got very sick, the doctor changed 4 times the medicine but none of them seemed to work, about a month ago my doctor suggested it could be smart to make a cancer exam because someone close to me died of cancer and we needed to be sure about it plus that could be the main reason why medicine didn't work. The exam was positive but the doctor said we were still on time to try to fix it, I had a surgery to extract a tumor but something went wrong and I needed a second surgery because of an internal bleeding, after that I was unconscious for almost 3 days in intensive care. about half week later I was able to return home but things only got worse. The treatment is really painful and we don't even know if it's working because my next appointment is next week, I barely get hungry but I need to eat anyway because my stomach must be full before take the medicine, I'm getting thinner, my skin color is turning yellowish and I have those weird black spots under my eyes all the time... a week ago I had to cover my mirror with a towel because just made sad what I saw. The doctor said I wouldn't lose my hair but the truth is anytime I brush it I see how some hair get stuck to the brush. Today a friend from school visited me and I kinda like him so I tried to get ready and look cute for him but that's just impossible, I took a shower and I removed the towel from the mirror to brush my hair and get some make up but the thing I saw in the mirror it's not me, that's not even close to the way I used to look... the only thing I could do was go to my bed and cry. My friend came and he was very nice to me which cheered me up a little. a couple of hours later my best friend got home to gossip about this boy but I couldn't even talk because I started crying trying to tell her everything and I think I had a nervous breakdown. I've been very depressed these days so dad thought it would be a good idea if she spends the night here, I think they're afraid I can do something stupid and I'd lie if I say I haven't thought about it... besides all this I'm going to repeat the school year because I've skipped a lot of it and it doesn't matter if I'm one of the highest grades in my class, I can't go out alone, I can't eat ice cream, I can't walk my dog, I can't go to the store to buy a chocolate bar, in 6 months I've spent more time in a hospital than in the movies.... also dad has spent lots of money in me and I don't even know what I can do to pay him back... I've tried to be strong and positive but this is way too much for me, I already reached my limit and I'm tired of all this shit... I can't hold it anymore and I just want it to end.
Thanks.