Too many too soon.

So, as I sit here watching my mother starve to death because cancer has blocked off or destroyed her innards I JUST found out one of my close friends 1600 miles away was just diagnosed with Stage 4 aggressive inoperable Lymphoma. I just wished her happy birthday last week after burying another friend a few days before that... I'm afraid because I cant do a damn thing for any of them. I'm full of such rage... I am watching everyone I know die these horrible deaths and there is nothing I can do! I just want to start swinging until I bleed.

I'm not suicidal, I don't WANT to hurt anyone but I'm so afraid that I might.