I just need to express these things because i never do and it builds up inside so I'm sorry for any trouble to anyone.
I've suffered from depression for 4 years I'm 16 now and things aren't worse and they aren't better. i started to hate myself when i started to realize how different i was from normal it then intensified as i was bullied i was bullied for a dozen reasons i was half Greek, i was from the north, i was a nationalist, i was an Hellenic polytheist, I'm bisexual, i have special needs, I stay on the outside, I'm in a band, i have different tastes to the norm; all of those things are reasons why i was bullied and beaten but then i had my first kiss with my girlfriend and she said we would keep it secret and then she left me and we got back together a year later. i was in a car accident, my father left us my mum got remarried and then me and my girlfriend took things a step further. there were so many bad and good experiences in my life so far but i cant for some reason stop hating myself, I've hated myself for so long it seems like second nature like it would be wrong not to. I retreated from other people and team sports for a long time i immersed myself in television, books, comics, manga, anime, memorabilia, cartoons, art, music and my few close friends but this got me more abuse and mockery. This post is probably really confusing and not done well at all but I am not in the state to try and fix it at the moment. Pressure has been put on me because i am on the cross country team now and I do kayaking and all of that but i cant keep up with it. I am by no means perfect I drink with my friends, I have used weed before on several occasions and overall I have no emotional anchoring I am and have always been completely vulnerable and at the moment i am so scared and lost and i just need someone to help me, someone to care, so please do.
I've suffered from depression for 4 years I'm 16 now and things aren't worse and they aren't better. i started to hate myself when i started to realize how different i was from normal it then intensified as i was bullied i was bullied for a dozen reasons i was half Greek, i was from the north, i was a nationalist, i was an Hellenic polytheist, I'm bisexual, i have special needs, I stay on the outside, I'm in a band, i have different tastes to the norm; all of those things are reasons why i was bullied and beaten but then i had my first kiss with my girlfriend and she said we would keep it secret and then she left me and we got back together a year later. i was in a car accident, my father left us my mum got remarried and then me and my girlfriend took things a step further. there were so many bad and good experiences in my life so far but i cant for some reason stop hating myself, I've hated myself for so long it seems like second nature like it would be wrong not to. I retreated from other people and team sports for a long time i immersed myself in television, books, comics, manga, anime, memorabilia, cartoons, art, music and my few close friends but this got me more abuse and mockery. This post is probably really confusing and not done well at all but I am not in the state to try and fix it at the moment. Pressure has been put on me because i am on the cross country team now and I do kayaking and all of that but i cant keep up with it. I am by no means perfect I drink with my friends, I have used weed before on several occasions and overall I have no emotional anchoring I am and have always been completely vulnerable and at the moment i am so scared and lost and i just need someone to help me, someone to care, so please do.
