Now usually I don't go around hitting on people or seeking flirtation, I always let the guys come to me. Gives me more power that way, feeds my ego, and hey, if I'm going to be bottoming (mostly), then you can come make the effort. However, on three separate occasions recently I've initiated flirting, which all worked at first, but slowly each one just kinda faded away as the other guy got bored or disinterested or something.
So: WHAT THE FUCK. Is it bad that that freaks me out? I feel like that's bad. Is it douchey and shallow for me to conduct myself this way and then feel badly when the rational thing, that is, that not everyone will be attracted to me, happens? Probably. Okay, yes, it's pretty douchey. But I'm also 17. So.
It's not even an attention thing- I don't mind not getting attention. But always having been a bit reserved and clever so that I have control over the situation and then suddenly getting cut off like what I usually do to guys I don't like is a horribly jarring turn-of-the-tables sort of situation.
Quick note as well: I'm not usually this much of a dick when it comes to flirting and shit- It's only when I don't particularly like the guy.
Anyways,
WHY LIFE???
(although at the same time, this feeling of insufficiency has been a good motivator for working out- my pectorals and biceps are coming in quite nicely due to this sudden severe lack of confidence)
tl;dr Grant loses self confidence b/c of unrealistic, dickish expectations -> Feels bad for both losing self confidence and having said dickish expectations
So: WHAT THE FUCK. Is it bad that that freaks me out? I feel like that's bad. Is it douchey and shallow for me to conduct myself this way and then feel badly when the rational thing, that is, that not everyone will be attracted to me, happens? Probably. Okay, yes, it's pretty douchey. But I'm also 17. So.
It's not even an attention thing- I don't mind not getting attention. But always having been a bit reserved and clever so that I have control over the situation and then suddenly getting cut off like what I usually do to guys I don't like is a horribly jarring turn-of-the-tables sort of situation.
Quick note as well: I'm not usually this much of a dick when it comes to flirting and shit- It's only when I don't particularly like the guy.
Anyways,
WHY LIFE???
(although at the same time, this feeling of insufficiency has been a good motivator for working out- my pectorals and biceps are coming in quite nicely due to this sudden severe lack of confidence)
tl;dr Grant loses self confidence b/c of unrealistic, dickish expectations -> Feels bad for both losing self confidence and having said dickish expectations