Okay, so basically I have this friend Trista. We've been friends since about early 2011 when we both worked at the same cafe and became friends. I was only there for about a year, and last year 2012 even though we no longer worked together we still met up frequently etc...We werent overwhelmingly close but I liked spending time with her.
Anyway, this summer we ended up going on holiday together. I had reservations about it - but my friends from school were doing a roadtrip that I didn't want to go on, and my plans with Uni friends fell apart so when she suggested it I thought it would be fine, and we get on okay so I wasnt too worried. Basically, it was a terrible holiday. (i know this is typical going on holiday with a friend stuff) but she didnt give me a minutes peace. she was SO clingy (physically) like constantly hugging me and taking my arm and I know this makes me sound like a total dick, but I'm just not into that at all! It makes me really uncomfortable and all my other friends know this. She would also make wierd jokey comments like if she was taking a picture of us like "aww, we're bffs!" and stuff like that. I mean I think she was joking but the way she said it just creeped me out (especially when combined with all the hugging!)
Basically after the holiday we went about a month without seeing each other (a long time for us). I really was sick of her but eventually realised I was being mean... I knew that I wanted to be friends again! And accepted that maybe we should just not go on holiday again and are not compatible that way.
That was about two months ago... And now I feel like it's starting all over again. I'll admit a lot of my annoyance with her is petty stuff - like the constant hugging/touching/arm-grabbing. But a lot of it is just that sometimes she genuinely creeps me out. I feel SO AWFUL saying this please dont judge me. I just find her really really clingy/needy. For example.. a few weeks ago we went to the cinema. And at this point, thing were genuinely fine! Its only the past week or two that IVe decided im not comfortable. Basically we went out and it was fine. But then a week later she messaged me on Facebook just saying "Miss you :(" which creeped me out because I had seen her a week before! It totally confused me, this year at Uni i fidn it so difficult to meet up regularly with my school and uni friends (that im a lot closer to than her) yet i see her more than them but I still feel like its not enough for her. And then I was out with her at the weekend for her birthday, and then she texted me literally like two days later and was like lets do something tomorrow night?
I know I sound like a horrible person. It's just.... I feel like she has this thing going on where she is determined to make me her best friend. And it just seems sooooo fake. Like she does this whole "awww i miss you soooo much" and when we meet shes liek "awww babe" i just find it so insincere. It feels like we HAVE TO MEET UP AT LEAST EVERY TWO WEEKS GOD FORBID WE DONT DO THAT which again, I find wierd because me and my all time best friend both struggle to make time for each other sometimes and can go up to a month without seeing each other, but then its fine and feels like no time has passed! I just feel like Trista, on the other hand, makes everything so dramatic. And again with the creepiness.... For example, Im going to America next month for 4 months on an exchange to study, and before I had even been ACCEPTED to do it, she was already telling me that she had Googled to see how much it would cost for her to come visit me! Keeping in mind that a) i didnt even know how much it would cost ME to get there b) I was only going away for 4 months and c) I hadnt invited her to come stay with me! I think its because I just am that way... I cannot stand clinginess and all the people Im close with are the same, bar Trista.
The main reason Im posting however is because I feel bad. I mean... she has a boyfriend, so its not like she's alone. But at times I do kind of wonder if she thinks of me as her best friend because she doesn't seem to really hang around with many people. :( And her mum is quite ill so she has got a hard life, but I just feel like in a way it's like Im only spending time with her out of pity? Which is horrible! I feel like if she backed off.... things would be fine. I do genuinely enjoy spending time with her... but I have had enough of this clingy/letsbebestfriends thing. If it got to the point where we met up with each other every now and again, I'd be fine! but I have no idea what to do... I realise I probably sound horrible... but any advice would be great :(
Anyway, this summer we ended up going on holiday together. I had reservations about it - but my friends from school were doing a roadtrip that I didn't want to go on, and my plans with Uni friends fell apart so when she suggested it I thought it would be fine, and we get on okay so I wasnt too worried. Basically, it was a terrible holiday. (i know this is typical going on holiday with a friend stuff) but she didnt give me a minutes peace. she was SO clingy (physically) like constantly hugging me and taking my arm and I know this makes me sound like a total dick, but I'm just not into that at all! It makes me really uncomfortable and all my other friends know this. She would also make wierd jokey comments like if she was taking a picture of us like "aww, we're bffs!" and stuff like that. I mean I think she was joking but the way she said it just creeped me out (especially when combined with all the hugging!)
Basically after the holiday we went about a month without seeing each other (a long time for us). I really was sick of her but eventually realised I was being mean... I knew that I wanted to be friends again! And accepted that maybe we should just not go on holiday again and are not compatible that way.
That was about two months ago... And now I feel like it's starting all over again. I'll admit a lot of my annoyance with her is petty stuff - like the constant hugging/touching/arm-grabbing. But a lot of it is just that sometimes she genuinely creeps me out. I feel SO AWFUL saying this please dont judge me. I just find her really really clingy/needy. For example.. a few weeks ago we went to the cinema. And at this point, thing were genuinely fine! Its only the past week or two that IVe decided im not comfortable. Basically we went out and it was fine. But then a week later she messaged me on Facebook just saying "Miss you :(" which creeped me out because I had seen her a week before! It totally confused me, this year at Uni i fidn it so difficult to meet up regularly with my school and uni friends (that im a lot closer to than her) yet i see her more than them but I still feel like its not enough for her. And then I was out with her at the weekend for her birthday, and then she texted me literally like two days later and was like lets do something tomorrow night?
I know I sound like a horrible person. It's just.... I feel like she has this thing going on where she is determined to make me her best friend. And it just seems sooooo fake. Like she does this whole "awww i miss you soooo much" and when we meet shes liek "awww babe" i just find it so insincere. It feels like we HAVE TO MEET UP AT LEAST EVERY TWO WEEKS GOD FORBID WE DONT DO THAT which again, I find wierd because me and my all time best friend both struggle to make time for each other sometimes and can go up to a month without seeing each other, but then its fine and feels like no time has passed! I just feel like Trista, on the other hand, makes everything so dramatic. And again with the creepiness.... For example, Im going to America next month for 4 months on an exchange to study, and before I had even been ACCEPTED to do it, she was already telling me that she had Googled to see how much it would cost for her to come visit me! Keeping in mind that a) i didnt even know how much it would cost ME to get there b) I was only going away for 4 months and c) I hadnt invited her to come stay with me! I think its because I just am that way... I cannot stand clinginess and all the people Im close with are the same, bar Trista.
The main reason Im posting however is because I feel bad. I mean... she has a boyfriend, so its not like she's alone. But at times I do kind of wonder if she thinks of me as her best friend because she doesn't seem to really hang around with many people. :( And her mum is quite ill so she has got a hard life, but I just feel like in a way it's like Im only spending time with her out of pity? Which is horrible! I feel like if she backed off.... things would be fine. I do genuinely enjoy spending time with her... but I have had enough of this clingy/letsbebestfriends thing. If it got to the point where we met up with each other every now and again, I'd be fine! but I have no idea what to do... I realise I probably sound horrible... but any advice would be great :(