It's been about two months now since me and her had little chats which lead to her telling me she loved me and I was her crush. The next day, I told her she was mine too which then clicked and we had a instant connection. I was also her friends crush, and at the time she said when her friend stops liking me for her sake we will have a relationship and we had been speaking for ages talking about how much we loved each other etc. She used to say things to me like "I promise I'll never hurt you emotionally or mentally," and things like "I don't know what I'd do without you in my life" and we'd speak about the most personal things ever about our lives and I'd always tell her I'm here for her whenever. Weeks in, we're still not in a relationship. Her new reason to not wanting to be in a relationship with me was because she had an ex who treated her horribly and she said she is scared it will happen again but she says things like "All a girl wants is for a guy to show her he is different." She used to be making first moves, starting first conversations and now it's me doing it all. I feel like she's stopped liking me and the other day she said to me about how she actually felt about how she knows how all relationships end and she wants to be good friends and just friends but I'm almost certain that if we are just "good friends" she will end up loving someone else who will defiantly break her heart. Like I get around in my town and I know a lot of guys and none of them would be a good boyfriend but I'm not the best looking guy and I'm scared she will like a better looking guy and she says when I tell her about how I love her and stuff she would reply like "Aww that's cute ily2 xxx <3 " That's literally about it and I pour my heart out to her and she says nothing back like "That's so sweet" and I feel like I've been lead on and I used to smoke a lot like so much because I'm young, and I used to have so many issues and troubles like more than I can count with the hairs on my head and I help all the people I can but at the end of the day I've got nobody to turn to. It's sad, so I had to turn to a lighter to kill things inside of me and for her I quit, trusting that she would be there for me and she says she is there for me and that she'll always be here and she says she can tell something is wrong and doesn't do anything and she tells me I deserve better than her but she deserves better, and that better is what I'm trying to give to her. Honestly, I haven't gone a night without thinking about my life and crying for 30 minutes while going insane because I've not smoked for her and she doesn't realize how much I'm dieing inside and it's killing me literally I live on the top of a flat. I'd jump off any time but I'm scared when I hit the earth I won't die.
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