Been a fair while since I posted anything on this forum, but I feel I'm gonna get better advice here than any counsellor or anything can give me.
This year, I came out of a 4 1/2 year relationship with my best friend. Her and I hit it off when we met in 2002 in Rome. I always had a thing for her ever since I met her, she was just magnetic.
She was in a bad relationship, I was helping her through it and we started to get closer. This was something I'd wished for years deep down, but I'd always repressed it for the sake of our friendship.
When this magical day finally happened, I couldn't have been happier. We were a fantastic couple. We got engaged on our anniversary two years later just before christmas.
A year later, things started to fray and we had a conversation about calling off our engagement to just sort things out. Relieve the pressure as it were. I agreed being the calm, laid back person that I am. I agreed whole heartedly that we had problems and if she felt that it would help then I'd happily oblige.
I found out in May of out 3rd year together that she and another man had been texting each other about some pretty damn intimate things, and apparently something happened at a party that I had to snoop to find out.
I confronted her about it, wanted a reason. We talked, we reasoned, and we agreed to get past such things that had happened.
Shortly after this, we decided on an open relationship. Even more pressure relieved (supposedly), I never fully agreed with it but once again, it helped alleviate problems.
I start to get some pretty bad vibes, so I inevitably go snooping and find she's talking about leaving me. I once again confront her and ask what I'm doing, what am I doing to drive her to do this. We talk, I don't really get an answer that's straightforward.
I love this woman so much that I agree to try to make things better.
This happens for a few months, sex has been dwindling. Pretty much repeating pattern until we break in June of this year.
What I'm having trouble with is just that I gave so, so much to that relationship. My best friend betrayed me like I never thought she would. Despite me trying everything I could to make us work, nothing ever did.
If my best friend of 13 years can do this to me, I'm finding it hard to see the light that no-one else will do the same thing.
I still feel like she has a part of me, something I want back. When I think back to how much I gave, how little she wanted to sort things and talk about things, I just get angry. I don't wanna be angry.
It's bad enough that I I've just lost such a long friendship, that will never be to the same level that it was before.
How do you deal with the hurt and anger? I've been hurt before but this is on a whole new level that I can't manage. It's just turning me into a bottle of emotions that's gonna pop at anytime.
Sorry for the long read, a lot to try and summarise into main points.
This year, I came out of a 4 1/2 year relationship with my best friend. Her and I hit it off when we met in 2002 in Rome. I always had a thing for her ever since I met her, she was just magnetic.
She was in a bad relationship, I was helping her through it and we started to get closer. This was something I'd wished for years deep down, but I'd always repressed it for the sake of our friendship.
When this magical day finally happened, I couldn't have been happier. We were a fantastic couple. We got engaged on our anniversary two years later just before christmas.
A year later, things started to fray and we had a conversation about calling off our engagement to just sort things out. Relieve the pressure as it were. I agreed being the calm, laid back person that I am. I agreed whole heartedly that we had problems and if she felt that it would help then I'd happily oblige.
I found out in May of out 3rd year together that she and another man had been texting each other about some pretty damn intimate things, and apparently something happened at a party that I had to snoop to find out.
I confronted her about it, wanted a reason. We talked, we reasoned, and we agreed to get past such things that had happened.
Shortly after this, we decided on an open relationship. Even more pressure relieved (supposedly), I never fully agreed with it but once again, it helped alleviate problems.
I start to get some pretty bad vibes, so I inevitably go snooping and find she's talking about leaving me. I once again confront her and ask what I'm doing, what am I doing to drive her to do this. We talk, I don't really get an answer that's straightforward.
I love this woman so much that I agree to try to make things better.
This happens for a few months, sex has been dwindling. Pretty much repeating pattern until we break in June of this year.
What I'm having trouble with is just that I gave so, so much to that relationship. My best friend betrayed me like I never thought she would. Despite me trying everything I could to make us work, nothing ever did.
If my best friend of 13 years can do this to me, I'm finding it hard to see the light that no-one else will do the same thing.
I still feel like she has a part of me, something I want back. When I think back to how much I gave, how little she wanted to sort things and talk about things, I just get angry. I don't wanna be angry.
It's bad enough that I I've just lost such a long friendship, that will never be to the same level that it was before.
How do you deal with the hurt and anger? I've been hurt before but this is on a whole new level that I can't manage. It's just turning me into a bottle of emotions that's gonna pop at anytime.
Sorry for the long read, a lot to try and summarise into main points.